In my previous article, I talked about finding oneself from a Queer perspective and how community plays an important role in this. The word ‘ally’ is often regarded as a loaded term - it represents someone from outside the community and is frequently associated with corporations who use Queer culture to ‘pinkwash’ their image. This has led to some cynicism, with some Queer folks (looking at you, younger and angrier Casey of yesteryear) being hesitant when interacting with allies.
However, I have increasingly found that allies are a much-needed support of Queerness, as Queer spaces without diversity can easily become echo-chambers. Allies ultimately help us to be better versions of ourselves, and so in turn, it is mutually beneficial for Queer people to push allies to be better as well. Below are two behaviours to help us grow our allyship:
Constant Student
Whilst this is something I have relaxed on, I used to get frustrated with allies asking me to answer questions they could have found answers for on their own. This isn’t to say there’s anything wrong with wanting to learn, but it’s worth remembering that not every Queer person in your life may want to teach you. As an example, I remember a friend who told me her boss had asked her opinion on an incident in his son’s school involving the word ‘lesbian’ - as my friend was the only lesbian he knew, she’d naturally have an opinion on the matter. Nobody’s expecting you to have all the answers, but real allies can learn without expecting to be taught.
As a final, happier point - showing that you’ve learned independently is an example of good allyship, and more likely to win you recognition of this.
Be a Good Guest
I think it is worth spending some time to gently remind ourselves that if we are allies, we are effectively guests in spaces for others. This not just about Straights and Gays, there are plenty of allies within the LGBGTQ+ spectrum as well who follow this etiquette (or at least, there should be!)
Many Queer people draw comfort from allies who show their support through genuine connection and understanding. If I leave you with one thought, let it be this: true allyship isn’t something we shout about, it’s a behaviour pattern we develop and commit to.
Click here to read Casey's previous article 'Finding yourself through Pride'.
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