Money conversations are rarely about money alone. They touch on security, identity, and belonging, which lie at the core of human psychology. Yet silence about finances continues to damage our wellbeing.
As a psychotherapist and financial counsellor, I see how unspoken money fears translate into anxiety, shame, and conflict. In neuroscience, the amygdala, the brain’s alarm system, activates when we perceive threat or scarcity. This same mechanism explains why financial uncertainty can trigger panic, avoidance, or impulsive spending. Once the threat response calms, the prefrontal cortex, responsible for planning and reasoning, comes back online. This is when we can finally think clearly. Talking about money helps us reach that state faster.
From my own experience attending financial therapy, I’ve learned that our relationship with money is shaped by early emotional memories, such as how our parents handled spending, saving, or arguments about finances. Reflecting on these scripts allows us to replace inherited fear with conscious choice.
I help clients start practical conversations about money by focusing on three steps:
Name the feeling before the figure: Notice what emotions arise when discussing finances. Anxiety and guilt often mask deeper fears of failure or rejection.
Replace secrecy with structure: Schedule regular check-ins about budgeting or goals, just as you would schedule a workout. Consistency builds safety.
Reframe money as a relational tool: Use it to express care, fairness, and values rather than control or competition.
A cultural shift is already underway: Monzo’s The Book of Money makes financial wellbeing accessible and Will Rainey’s Grandpa’s Fortune Fables teaches children about saving and patience. Even banks like Monzo and Revolut now offer children’s accounts from age six, with interest, normalising early education around finances.
Starting the conversation does not mean having all the answers. It means daring to be honest about what money represents in our lives. When we do, we reclaim both financial stability and emotional peace.
If you'd like to book a session with Dr Melania click here.
